Attention Booze Hounds: POWEDERED ALCOHOL Is Coming Soon
Ever been to a function or venue that doesn’t allow alcohol? Ever been enjoying breakfast but wished you could sprinkle a little vodka on your eggs Benedict? Ever wanted to get drunk but can’t find a way to work on deviating your septum at the same time? Look no further!
Ask these questions no longer, for a solution is on the way: POWDERED ALCOHOL.
It’s called Palcohol and the U.S. Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau just approved it. Its makers, Lipsmark, hope to start selling it this fall. It comes in four flavors:
- Powderita – tastes just like a Margarita
- Lemon Drop
Before its website was taken down and COMPLETELY rewritten, its front page included quotes like:
“What’s worse than going to a concert, sporting event, etc. and having to pay $10, $15, $20 for a mixed drink with tax and tip. Are you kidding me?! Take Palcohol into the venue and enjoy a mixed drink for a fraction of the cost.”
“Palcohol is great on so many foods. Remember, you have to add Palcohol AFTER a dish is cooked as the alcohol will burn off if you cook with it…and that defeats the whole purpose.”
“Let’s talk about the elephant in the room….snorting Palcohol. Yes, you can snort it. And you’ll get drunk almost instantly because the alcohol will be absorbed so quickly in your nose. Good idea? No. It will mess you up.”
Since it started getting a huge amount of talk this weekend, the Palcohol website removed any references to illegally carrying alcohol, getting drunk during breakfast or talking about how it’ll mess you up if you shove it up your nose.
Don’t get me wrong, I think this product’s got an amazing amount of potential. But the downside to anything new, it’ll get abused. Let’s be honest. Since it’s so portable, it makes it easy for minors to sneak around, these who are already have an alcohol addiction to hide their habit, and makes it convenient for morons to use it in ways definitely NOT intended. So before some kid sneaks it to school and adds it to his chocolate milk, grandma dumps a little too much Cosmo flavor on her pot roast and barfs at the dinner table, or some idiot tries packing 2 pounds into his sinuses on a bet and ruins Palcohol for everybody, what would you do with it??