Dave’s Top 5: Worst Remakes ‘n’ Reboots
Everything old is new again. What goes around comes around. Old television shows are movies come back...sometimes to haunt you!
FOX announced yesterday a reboot of the '80's television series The Greatest American Hero. It ran for three seasons on ABC and starred William Katt as inner city special education teacher, Ralph Hinkley. The late Robert Culp - played gung-ho FBI agent Bill Maxwell. Connie Selleca played Ralph's long-suffering lawyer girlfriend, Pam Davidson. Nathan Fillion, from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along, Castle and Firefly has said he'd like to play the main character if there ever was a reboot. You can see that here.
Also making headlines yesterday, Mark Wahlberg is bringing The Six Million Dollar Man back to the big screen in 2017. That show ran for five seasons in the mid-1970's, starring Lee Majors as astronaut Steve Austin - not the WWE wrestler - gifted with extraordinary abilities through bionics. Jim Carrey and Chris Rock were once said to be part of a remake that would have been a comedy.
Old television shows come back. Like, Matthew Perry as Oscar Madison in the updated The Odd Couple. That shows been done a couple of times since it started out as a play in 1965. Steve Carrel from The Office starred in a remake of '60's spy parody Get Smart. When he's not making bad films, Tom Cruise makes a Mission: Impossible film every now and then. Henry Cavill and Armie Hammer were just in theaters in an updating of The Man From UNCLE. That film got a 68% Rotten Tomatoes score, but a 79% audience score.
Some remakes work, some don't. Which ones don't work? Well, let me tell you.
- YouTube screen capture. Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp as The Lone Ranger and Tonto (2013)
YouTube screen capture. Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp as The Lone Ranger and Tonto (2013) 5The Lone Ranger (2013)
The Lone Ranger is probably one of my favorite characters. I grew up watching the Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels reruns. 2013's remake with Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp only gets a 31% Rotten Tomatoes score. Depp is downright scary as Tonto. Apparently, he's 1/1,000th part Native American, or something. Audiences gave the film a 51% score. The Lone Ranger was remade once before as the forgettable 1981 The Legend of the Lone Ranger (forgettable until I just reminded you!) That film doesn't have a critical score at Rotten Tomatoes - remember, I did say "forgettable" - but it does have a 41% audience rating. I doubt we'll be seeing a The Lone Ranger sequel any time soon.
- YouTube screen capture of Seth Rogan and John Chou as The Green Hornet and Kato (2011)
YouTube screen capture of Seth Rogan and John Chou as The Green Hornet and Kato (2011) 4The Green Hornet (2011)
Believe it or don't, The Green Hornet is connected to The Lone Ranger. Both characters have been around since the '30's. The Green Hornet is a modern day descendant of the Western vigilante. Somebody thought it would be a good idea for Seth Rogen to both write the script, and play the lead character - as Paris Hilton-like celebutante-turned action hero. Critics and audiences agreed with a 43% Rotten Tomatoes score that the film could have done better.
- YouTube screen capture of The A-Team (2010)
YouTube screen capture of The A-Team (2010) 3The A-Team (2010)
It's almost 2016, have you seen a preview for a sequel to the 2010 remake of the '80's action series The A-Team? Me neither. Although audiences give it a 66% score, critics slammed the movie with a 47% Rotten Tomatoes score. The '80's NBC series was outrageous and over-the-top. It was pretty much a live action cartoon. If you watched it, or stream it on Netflix recently, you'll notice that no one ever got hurt in the stunts: explosions or machine gun fire. This was one time a plan did not come together...
- YouTube screen capture of Collin Farrell and Jamie Foxx in Miami Vice (2006)
YouTube screen capture of Collin Farrell and Jamie Foxx in Miami Vice (2006) 2Miami Vice (2006)
It's been nearly ten years since '80's Miami Vice hit the big screen. Wait, you don't remember the '80's NBC music video cop action drama, or the 2006 film? Or both? Ross and Chandler famously parodied the wardrobe and stubble the series made infamous on Friends. Jamie Foxx and Collin Farrell took over from Philip Michael Thomas and Don Johnson. Critics gave the film a 47% score, while audiences only gave it a 43%. Ouch!
- YouTube screen capture of Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller as Starsky & Hutch (2004)
YouTube screen capture of Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller as Starsky & Hutch (2004) 1Starsky & Hutch (2004)
Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson have made a string of hilarious films together: Zoolander, Meet The Parents and the Night at the Museum films. They are a funny pair. Not so much in Starsky & Hutch, though. The '70's series was a over-the-top, high energy buddy cop drama. The 2004 remake looked more like a parody of the series. It was played more for laughs. After I saw the movie, I started watching the show, and it hit me - the original series was played for laughs, too! Oy!
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