The Case AGAINST Going To The Minnesota State Fair
The Great Minnesota Get-Together is finally here! It’s one of the biggest annual events in the North Star State, as millions of people will gather for games, food, rides, animals, people-watching, and more. Many families, couples, and friends will no doubt have fun at the fair this year. But I’m here to tell you why you shouldn’t go. Trust me on this. You’ll thank me later.
1. The Traffic Is Brutal
Fewer things are more soul-crushing than seeing your 15-minute ETA slowly becoming a 90-minute slog because one minivan from Wisconsin doesn’t know how to merge properly. That one might be based on a personal experience. The moment you and your family arrive to the fair, you will be exhausted.
2. You WILL Feel Gross Afterwards
“I won’t eat anything too bad,” you’ll say to yourself as you’re walking through the gate. But you will. Oh, will you ever! You’ll see a sign that says “Deep-fried something something cheese something bacon on-a-stick” and completely lose self-control. The next thing you know, your shirt will covered in grease, sweat, bread crumbs, mustard, melted chocolate, and shame. Tasty, tasty shame.
3. There Are SO Many Weird People There
…Guaranteed, that’s also a valid reason why you’d want to go to the fair. But on the off-chance that you or someone in your family is deathly afraid of mullets, fanny packs, pregnant teenagers getting into fights by the big slide, packs of feral children all jacked up on 500 grams of sugar and bacon grease, or big hairy dudes who are only wearing cut-off jean shorts and flip-flops with socks, you may want to stay home.
4. Two Words: Fair. Bathrooms.
Forget the Haunted House – this is where people go to experience true State Fair horror. Don’t even think about trying to hold it, either. It's going to happen, and you're definitely not emotionally prepared for it.
5. And You Still Have To Drive All The Way Back To Rochester!
Listen to Jordan on Z-Rock 107.7 weekdays from 2PM to 6PM!