When it comes to payouts for children's teeth, the tooth fairies of the Midwest are really skimping out. Who knew?

The Tooth Fairy is paying kids $5.84 per tooth (can you picture her with one of those portable fanny pack/coin sorters), which is actually down from $6.23 in 2023 according to Delta Dental.

When I was a kid we got quarters, not dollars, but I also had to walk uphill both ways in snow to get to school for I am but an old man now with only stories to tell. I have to admit I had no idea that even the Tooth Fairy herself was seeing prices go up like everything else these days.

The most generous of the Tooth Fairies resides on the West Coast, giving out an average of $8.54 (!) a tooth. That's a 37% increase year-to-year in money exchanged for human teeth.

The Northeast is good for $6.87 a tooth (up 12% from last year) and the South drops to $5.51 (down over a dollar per formerly implanted human molar) from the Tooth Fairy, per tooth. That's where we, the scourge of the nation in the Midwest, come in at $3.63 at tooth! We couldn't even round up to $4.00? For shame. The Midwest has dropped 36% from 2023.

The folks at Delta Dental say that their Original Tooth Fairy Poll 'has typically mirrored the economy's overall direction tracking with the trends of the S&P 500.'

The add that 2023 and 2024 have seen the two diverge, with teeth generally decreasing in value and the S&P increasing.

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