A quick reminder that this article is completely sarcastic...

Welp, hope everyone enjoyed that wonderful week of above-average temperatures we just experienced because just like every year, mother nature has to tease and give us a tiny glimpse of what's to come, only to then remind us it's not quite spring just yet and dump another winter storm on our state.

Only these are the types of storms I hate the most, because they're so late in the season and everyone's fed up with the headaches that come with them - like shoveling, dealing with school/daycare closings and especially driving. But it's that last point I want to touch on since we all have to do it.

So I'm here to remind everybody how to handle this (hopefully) last blast of winter as we make our way home later this afternoon and then again tomorrow morning during our commutes to work:

  • Whatever you do, don't plan ahead and leave work/home early. People need to realize you're just in a hurry and it's pointless to ever allow yourself extra time to get from A to B. Everyone's in a rush and that's just the way it is.
  • Be sure to make as many hand gestures as possible to the cars in front and around you. It's important to really get your point across by having both hands off the wheel so that your car can properly lose it's grip on the icy roads and then spin out of control. But hey, at least you let that guy in front of you know how you feel before you do!
  • Remember, if you have 4x4 or All-Wheel-Drive its best to drive faster than the other cars on the road, that way you have momentum when you hit the ditch and you won't get stuck. Plus you paid for that extra safety and peace of mind, so really it's their fault if they have to drive slower than you. They should be making room for you...
  • When approaching a stop light or stop sign, don't worry about keeping a distance in case you or the person in front you stops... it's a little icy out but otherwise I'm sure your low-tread tires and shoddy breaks will get the job done just fine. I mean, they have thus far, right?
  • Ignore all emergency vehicles when you hear and especially see them coming. You're moving along just fine, so why make a path for them to just get by? You've had a long day so just keep moving. Dinner's waiting you know!
  • Speaking of waiting, you've got NO time to respect snow plows and MnDOT workers. If there's room to pass them by, do it!
  • Once you're finally home, be sure and brag about how awful those jerks on the road were driving. Then turn on the evening news and tell the local weather guy/girl "they're wrong again!" It also wouldn't hurt to mention it on Facebook either, especially on how "nobody knows how to drive anymore". This is Minnesota, you know. We're all idiots.

There... That should get us through our latest Winter Storm Warning.

You can also get up-to-date weather related announcements HERE... or not, you're the expert.

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